A Candy Store Line, Main Character Syndrome, and a Much Bigger Spiritual Problem
I decided to splurge for my family for Easter this year and purchased a pound of See’s chocolate for pickup in their store, carefully selecting the variety, a mix of dark and milk, just making sure that each family member would have something yummy that they would enjoy. I’m in the store today, waiting patiently for my turn at the checkout with the flood of other customers because Easter is next weekend.
And just as I get to the checkout counter and the staff member heads into the backroom to fetch my order, we have a guy who doesn’t realize he’s attempting to cut in line. A quick survey of the room would have told him where the end of the line is, and it was several people deep. Instead, he steps up to a register, and immediately a gentleman who was immediately behind me in the line called him out for cutting. And the guy who was doing the cutting fired back with “simmer down, sir, I just wasn’t sure how the line was set up in this store.”
For some reason, these two men were already on high alert confrontation mode. I received my order with a smile and left before the disagreement escalated behind me, relieved to hear that door shut as I headed to my car. But the experience reminded me that many people’s nerves are on edge, and they are ready to involve themselves in an altercation at the drop of a hat. It also reminded me that holiday celebrations put an unhealthy level of pressure of people that can result in this type of negative interaction, that will not only disrupt their own emotional tenor of the day, but also the tenor of everyone else’s day who happens to be in the vicinity.
Holidays as an American
American holiday culture, with its emphasis on performance and consumption, fosters a subtle entitlement that turns ordinary interactions into conflicts marked by Main Character Syndrome. When Americans put so much pressure on themselves to elevate the holiday experience for their loved ones, that choice puts the focus on monetary experiences and not on the true meaning of the holiday. I’m guilty of this too! I mean, I was in that shop today picking up an Easter order, so I’m guilty of playing into the same habit of spending money as a means of saying “I love you.” When really, does my family actually need a pound of chocolate? Probably not. What would be more meaningful is just spending the time together.
So I’m not blaming anyone, but I am blaming the culture in America for this type of tension.
Candy Store Tension
Americans suffer from what we know as “Main Character Syndrome” and pretty much everyone has it. This syndrome results in a rather hurried, harried, superior, narcistic approach to just life in general. And friction is going to be the result whenever we bump up against anyone else.
- Why was this second gentleman who cut in line, actually cutting in line? He wasn’t doing his due diligence and surveying the room first to determine where the line actually starts and ends. He let the somewhat frantic energy of the people in the store whip up an urgency in him that wasn’t necessary, and that resulted in him breaking protocol. Which ordinarily wouldn’t have ended in an argument this uptight, but we have the added pressure of an upcoming holiday, or making sure everything is perfect for our loved ones, and so he did not stop to observe first. Honestly, observing the space to determine how the system works is absolutely imperative to keep a process moving smoothly. I speak from personal experience of having been the one breaking protocol, and it taught me an important lesson of paying attention and not rushing.
- And for the first gentleman, why did he phrase his reproof in a way that was going to create an instant tension between himself and this other man? Well, I have my suspicions. The lady who was at one of the registers checking out was with an elderly mother who was using a walker and was continually going back to the displays to grab more items and add them to the order. Including after her daughter had paid for the order. She was causing tension and frustration to the other people in line by not having all her items in hand by the time they reached the register. I get it. This man was the next in line and he was getting frustrated. So, rather than being frustrated with an elderly disabled woman, he pointed his frustration at a perceived slight by another male customer instead.
- I am willing to wager my pound of See’s chocolate that both of these men are actually really lovely individuals. Neither of them seemed like they would be anything other than perfectly nice. in a different setting. But not only did they come away from the experience feeling disgruntled, but so did everyone who witnessed it, including the busy staff, and myself. And that’s just deeply unfortunate because it taints the experience.
Own up to our mistakes
So, what can we do differently as people, in this type of situation?
A good start would be to not take the perceived slight personally, and also to own up to the mistakes that we make, and not try to laugh it off or explain it away. You’d be surprised at how easily a situation is resolved with a sincere, “Oh, I am so sorry, I didn’t realize I was cutting in line, I didn’t mean to do that.” It’s easy.
But one thing I have noticed, and it is only increasing, is our societal lack of acknowledging our mistakes and actually owning them. Instead, we hem and haw and pretend that the mistake is really a result of this, or that, or this circumstance that happened in my life, or it’s because I have this condition or this medical issue. No. We made a mistake and we own it and we apologize. We learn from the mistake and we resolve to do better in the future. That’s how genuine growth happens.
I’m writing this as a reminder for myself too. Because I don’t want to live my live my life in some sort of exalted entitlement bubble that could pop at any second. But what I don’t understand in myself is my fear of extending grace to others and engaging with people outside my own bubble. But that might be a topic for another time.
May the Lord bless and keep you as you prepare for this Easter Sunday.